Argue with Pictures

Peer Edit (second try)

Brandon Ku - Darfur: The Dilemma and Solution

Main Idea: History lesson on genocide, the situation in Darfur, and two possible solutions. He talks a lot about genocide in the past, how it came about, and how it progressed. It is very informative, but sounds like a report, not an argument. He does state his argument in his thesis which states, "Through analysis of Sudan's History, and it's situation in the globalized world of today, Darfur's conflict can be resolved through Global intervention and aide in the country's system of education."

His argument could be more clear by using fewer facts about genocides in the past and the situation in Darfur, and talking more about his argument and tying in the facts to it.
His argument is moderately disagreeable, though it is not clear what "global intervention" really means. He could maybe narrow his argument to make it more debatable.
As for the scope, I think his argument is too big to fit into this paper. As stated in our meeting, he should pick one of the two arguments and stick to that.
I like the introduction, it hooks the reader to the paper and introduces the topic. he could probably introduce his argument a little more, and not just the situation in Darfur.
I think he has great evidence to back up his argument, as long as it is explained and fine-tuned to back up mainly just his argument.

Great paper!

Where is me?

This is an interesting blog assignment, because this is usually the weakest or hardest part to fix about my research papers. I rely very heavily on my sources and end up paraphrasing and restating their ideas, expounding only a little. For our second paper, I started to write from my own ideas which made the writing more enjoyable and easier.

What I'm trying to say is that my own voice has very little prominence in my writing. This might be because I do not feel my vocabulary is academic enough, but I think it is mostly because coming up with new ideas and analysis is very hard for me for some reason. I am constantly hitting blocks while writing my own words, not knowing what to write next. I want to write well which makes me critical of my own thoughts and words, insomuch that I don't want to write them.

I will have to work on this with my revisions of this paper.
How do you think of new ideas and analysis to write about?
How do you write with an academic vocabulary?

This is actually something about me which applies to many parts of my life. While speaking, it is hard for me to talk for very long, because I end up not conveying the message I am thinking. I simplify and have to pause a lot to think about what I will say next. Things make sense in my head, but I can not express myself very well, especially when speaking.

Writing this blog is not too hard because I can (and do) constantly stop in the middle of sentences to think about what I will write next. It is also simply me talking, not analyzing other things. I notice that I have an idea, then lose it. I have to pause to think about what that idea was, because it was only there for a few seconds.

I hope this stream-of-consciousness blog made sense. I think this is a big problem with my writing. I don' trust myself enough to let the writing come from myself.
How can I work on this?

Peer Edit?

Though he has not sent me his essay, I know Brandon has a great Thesis, backs up his argument, and has some intense, in-depth analysis. I can just tell, without even reading it. That's how good it is.

Researchin'

For my research, I have been looking up articles on the internet written on the subject of music piracy. This seems to be shaping my argument because I am taking bits and pieces of their argument into mine. I get facts and statistics from their arguments mostly, though I might do some more research on my own. This is making my research much easier, that someone else has done most of the research and analysis already; I just need to find those arguments and use them to form my argument.

Research Paper Ideas

After asking myself what I'm interested in, what I do for fun, what I know a lot about, and what I want to know more about, I came up with a few ideas for my research paper.

One idea is to research and explain why we should/shouldn't change to the metric system. It's interesting to me because I use it all the time in my classes, It's definitely related to globalization, and it might be fun to argue against it, to have something interesting to talk about.

Another idea I am thinking about is how music influences emotion, and how different cultures have different music which makes emotions among teenagers different in effect. I think this is very interesting because I like many different kinds of music and it really affects my mood, depending on what kind of music I listen to.

Wait a minute, folks

In his speech in "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?" Homer Stokes makes a speech about the main characters of the movie. The main characters were performing on stage a song they made up and recorded earlier, which became a hit, but no one knew who it was until then. The crowd and audience of the speech loved the band.

Homer was extremely ineffective at persuading his audience because he did not know them and thought he had credibility when he did not.

Homer proceeds to name things that the band had done against the law and that they should go to jail. The crowd proceeds to get angry and physically carry him out of the building. Homer did not understand his audience's point of view, and lost his credibility, by not appealing to the emotions of his audience. This caused him to lose respect and credibility. In the end, he tried to gain support by asking them "is you is, or is you ain't my constituency?" which made them question the support they gave him earlier in the movie, and finally lose all support and carry him out.

We can all learn from this, by acknowledging who our audience is, what their beliefs are, and how they feel emotionally about the topic we are presenting. If we already have support, we need to be careful not to lose it.

Living Room Candidate

This was a very interesting ad, directed toward republicans, trying to get them to not vote for their candidate. It was a republican, explaining why he does not like the republican candidate.

His argument, as far as Ethos goes, was not as effective as his Pathos or Logos. He seemed confused and scared, but seems to be swayed easily. He does say, "maybe I'm wrong..." which would seem to build his credibility, but he does not explain it very well. He also smokes, making him seem like a real citizen with feelings and concern.

This ad was very emotional. The whole time, the man was stuttering and shifting his weight around, like he was scared and confused. In the beginning, talking about the republican candidate, he says, "this man scares me." building emotion for him. The only time he seems relaxed is when he talks about the Democratic candidate, making the watchers relaxed as well. This ad was definitely effective at its emotional appeal.

This ad's logic was so-so. The man definitely argues logically about his confusion, saying things like, "I don't understand" or "I just don't get it" following these statements he explains how it should be. He brings up points about the Republican candidate that logically do not make sense like: "if you unite behind a man and don't believe him, it's a lie" talking about the republican convention in San Francisco. I believe it was effective logically.

Overall this ad was good at tying with the viewer, making you believe him, logically laying out his argument, and making you feel that he is just like you and you should believe him.

Pelon Pelo Rico

Your life will never be the same.
I have here, the famous Pelon Pelo Rico.
It is the most famous candy in it's country, is as cheap as pocket change, and will make you wonder why it had not been a part of your life before then.

First of all, it's unique. Utilizing the renowned tamarind fruit as it's base, this candy will make you feel as if you had been dropped right into the heart of Mexico and it's culture. You feel as if you are tasting a different world. The spices packed into this treat are uncomparable, bursting with a new, exciting flavor each time you try it.

It's even affordable! A typical candy is about 25 cents; virtually free. This candy's price to happiness ratio beats anything else I have heard of.

It is also incredibly convenient. With it's own cap, you can enjoy it now and later without having a messy wrapper, sticky fingers, or gooey pockets. Also, it's unique dispensing device serves as a dispensing amount control, allowing you to enjoy it for much longer!

Millions of people have tried and loved this famous candy. Join them!